List: If Famous Novelists Were Adjuncts – McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

List: If Famous Novelists Were Adjuncts – McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

“Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the white board markers herself.”
Virginia Woolf

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“Student evaluations warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.”
Haruki Murakami

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“Happy English departments are all alike; every unhappy English department is unhappy in its own way.”
Leo Tolstoy

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“Fail all the band kids you want, if you can get ‘em, but remember it’s a sin to fail a student athlete.”
Harper Lee

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“…the oldest and most devastating pain there is: not the pain of the Skype interview, but the remembrance of it.”
Toni Morrison

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“Please, sir, I want some more money on my printing quota.”
Charles Dickens

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“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single adjunct in possession of a good CV, must be in want of a tenured position.”
Jane Austen

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“Hand to hand is how it will be, a life and death fight against the plagiarist and he whom death bears off shall submit to the judgment of the Dean.”
The Beowulf Poet

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“The students outside looked from tenure-track faculty to adjunct, and from adjunct to tenure-track faculty, and from tenure-track faculty to adjunct again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”
George Orwell


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